Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I'm runnin'

I heard the song, Mercy Seat, for the first time at a Beth Moore conference this past summer, and I don't think a song has ever touched my heart as much as this one did.  I have it on a CD in my car, and listen to it often, tears streaming down my face, goosebumps all over my body every time.  The tears and goosebumps start right at 4 minutes and 52 seconds into this life changing song.  Every time, never fails.  Then I proceed to rewind it to the 4 minute and 52 second mark and listen to the end about 3 more times before I can move on to the next song.  This part of the song absolutely melts my heart, and it is incredibly healing for me.

Lord have mercy...I need Your mercy...I don't deserve it Lord, but please...I know Your grace is greater than my sin...It will provide healing...No matter how many times you fail Him, He loves you...don't be afraid...

From about my Sophomore year of high school to my Sophomore year of college...maybe longer, I was completely lost.  I was raised in a wonderful, Christian family, attended a private school through the 8th grade and had everything going for me, but my Sophomore year of high school I fell into the wrong crowd and proceeded to lose sight of myself and what I wanted for my life completely...and what God wanted for my life.  It was a bad combination of peer pressure, boys who had much less than my best interests at heart and "friends" who had the-more-the-merrier-outlook.  Meaning the more people they could pull into their sin, the better they would feel about themselves.  And I became one of them.  And it's my biggest regret.  I lost sight of who I was, where I came from and what I stood for.  Oh, and there were consequences, and I still live with the shame of who I was for those 4+ years. 

When I heard this song, it was a turning point for me.  I had already confessed my sins and been forgiven years before, but this song provided healing for me.  The wound had been covered with a cheap bandaid that stopped the bleeding but couldn't withstand water and still left a sticky residue.  This song helped me let go of some of the shame, and realize that I can always find comfort at His Mercy Seat.  The bandaid was replaced with stitches that are sure to heal leaving only a hint of a scar.  A scar to remind me where I've been, that I've learned from my mistakes, that my mistakes made me who I am today, and that I should be proud of that.  Grace is my all time favorite word, and it's what this song is all about.  And only God can provide this type of grace.

I think that growing up, I viewed God with mostly a sense of fear.  Pastors would preach that good works aren't the way to get to heaven, but then in the same sentence would turn around and say, "Are you sure you're saved?  Are you living a life of sin?  How can you be truly saved if you're living in sin?.  And these messages were conflicting for me.  I viewed Christianity as a list of rules, and God's grace and love was downplayed in my church.  I'm not saying that as Christians we should live a life of sin because we can always be forgiven, but I think that people often get caught up in the rules which oftentimes results in competition, judgment and gossip. 

I want to be the type of Christian and witness that anyone can come to no matter what type of sin they're living in.  I want to exude grace and love, free of judgment and gossip.  I want to travel back and play this song for the lost 18 year old girl who thought there was no recourse because she had broken so many rules.  That there was no way God could ever forgive her.  I want to play it for all the lost 18 year old girls so they know that there is always a Mercy Seat that you can run to.  Where grace is overflowing.  That anyone can run to.  No matter what circumstance or stage of life you're in.  

I'm so glad that I'm on the right path now to live my best life, and to live for God most importantly.  I found the love of my life who respects me and shares the same values, encouraging me to be a better person every day.  I'm building a group of girlfriends who want the same thing out of life, who can be truly happy for each other and who show support rather than foster competition.  And I'm continuing to remind my Mom that, "You were right with everything that you warned me about, and I'm sorry for those awful years!".  And it feels good.  Thank goodness for GRACE.   

In the darkness
Where everything is unknown
I face the power of sin on my own
I did not know of a place I could go
Where I could find a way to
Heal my wounded soul.

He said that I could come into
His presence without fear
Into the holy place where
His mercy hovers near

I'm runnin' I'm runnin'
I'm runnin' to the mercy seat
Where Jesus is callin' he said
His grace would cover me
His blood will flow freely
It will provide the healin'
Come runnin' to the mercy seat
I'm runnin; to the mercy seat.

Are you livin' where hope has not been?
You're lost in the curse of a
Lifetime of sin
Lovely illusions they never
Come true I know where there's a place
Of mercy for you
He said that you could come into his
Presence without fear Into this holy place
Where his presence hovers near.

Come runnin' come runnin'
Come runnin' to the mercy seat
Where Jesus is callin' he said his
Grace would cover you. His blood
Will flow freely it will provide the healin'
Come runnin' to the mercy seat
I'm runnin' to the mercy seat
He said that you could come into his presence
Without fear into the holy place
Where his mercy hovers near

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