I know it's somewhat cliche to do self reflecting at the beginning of a new year, but that's exactly what T and I did this weekend (well really just over one nice dinner but reflecting nonetheless). Our "purpose in life" has been weighing on my heart and mind for a few months now, and I think that it's a perfectly natural and common thing for we as humans to contemplate. I want to do more than just contemplate, however. Mainly because it's so easy for the everyday requirements of life to override our hopes and dreams about who we want to be and what kind of mark we want to leave, and therefore, I want to turn my contemplation into action. I know it's easier said than done, but my hope is that by being constantly aware of this recognition, I will discover what exactly God wants me to do with the talents He has blessed me with.
T and I got on the subject when I hesitantly confessed my fear to him of "becoming comfortable". Not in a relationship sense, but in a life sense. I truly believe that when you become comfortable with your everyday life and just "exist", you cheat yourself of your potential to be the best person you can be. I've definitely experienced this, and I would say that the times I felt the most "out of my comfort zone" I realized some of my greatest accomplishments. And the times where I've been comfortable, I just become this drone with a lack of zeal and motivation. T's first reaction was, "and why did we just buy a house in the city we've lived in for 5+ years if you're feeling this way???". And it's not that I'm regretting this by any means, I just want us to share an attitude of a constant yearning to do more and be more. And if that requires us to pick up and move or take a completely different route that we ever dreamed, I know that he will be on board. And that is priceless in a relationship. I'm so blessed to have found someone that shares the same passion for life that I do.
I can't say that I've pinpointed where I want to be or what I want to do, but I can say that this year I'm going to keep an open mind, think outside the box and prepare my heart for whatever it is that God wants to do with my life. I don't want to make a mark in a selfish-I-want-to-be-known-for-something sense but in a I-didn't-waste-the-life-He-has-blessed-me-with kind of way. I'm sick of saying, "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up" or "I don't know what I want to do in life"; I'm grabbing this year by the horns and letting it take me on whatever ride it so chooses (with T of course).
So here's to 2011, a year I get to marry the love of my life and start this beautiful journey with, a year of getting to know myself better and appreciating both the talents and flaws, a new and more appreciative awareness of who God wants me to be and to being open to traveling more "uncomfortable" roads with the hope of discovering new and exciting chapters in this beautiful existence called life that we are all so blessed to be a part of.