I'll preface this by saying that marriage honestly comes easy for T and I. I think mostly because we're truly best friends and adore spending time together. We're terrible at fighting, however, since we're both seriously stubborn.
We've worked out our kinks for the most part, but in the first few months of marriage we would argue about the silliest things. We still have our share of pet peeves and getting on each other's nerves from time to time, but my goal is for us to try to be on the same page as much as possible.
I was having coffee with one of my dear friends a few weeks ago and the topic of being on the same page came up, and she mentioned that she and her husband pray together regularly. That got me to thinking especially since I've been trying to gain some spiritual ground in my prayer life, so I asked my Aunt Barbara what her take on it was. She told me that it was a wonderful thing to try and do, but that she thought praying for your husband daily was even more powerful.
I began praying for T regularly (without mentioning it to him), and I honestly saw a huge change. He seemed to approach arguments tenderly and more open minded. He seemed to be making more of an effort to show me how much he loved me with little acts of kindness. We just seemed to be on the same page.
Long story even longer, I was in my Sunday Bible Study and mentioned my prayers for Thomas to the girls saying how much it had seemed to change little things about Thomas and how he approached me. One of the older, wiser ladies who has been married for numerous years I'm sure piped in and said, "Maybe it wasn't his heart that needed changing, maybe it was yours". I honestly didn't even have time to take offense to it or get on the defensive about it because she was absolutely right, and I recognized it immediately.
I'm definitely bad for feeling the need to point out things to Thomas that he "needs to change" or "isn't doing right", and it gets me nowhere. He immediately gets defensive and shuts down, and it's not productive in the least. One of the other ladies mentioned that she had just attended a marriage conference where the key takeaway was that we should approach any relationship (especially marriage) with a "How can I serve you?" approach rather than "How can you serve me?" attitude.
My heart was definitely the one that needed changing, and I'm so glad the Lord is working in me and my marriage. I want us to become as whole as possible in Christ, so that we can have a healthy relationship that can overcome whatever life throws us. There will be kids, and family issues, and tragedy and all manner of trials to come, and only through Christ can we lay the necessary foundation to withstand those challenges.